A Hogwarts Talent Show
by Jace2
Summary: See title. Please Read and Review.chapter 4 is up
1. Act 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.  
A/N This is gonna be quite short because I was in the middle of it when the thing deleted so here is my new excuse to stay away from Marc.  
  
A Hogwarts Talent Show  
"The first act will be performed by Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy," Every jaw in the Great Hall dropped. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy???? they were all thinking.   
"WHAT THE???????" Ron yelled. His best friend was doing a duet with his worst enemy. That was not natural.  
"Please students calm down. They will be singing a song by the popular muggle group N*SYNC," Dumbledore informed them. The music started,  
(Chorus)  
If I wasn't a Celebrity   
Would you so nice to me  
If I didn't have cheese like everyday  
Would you still wanna be with me  
If I couldn't by you diamondrings  
And all those other expensive things  
Would you be so into me  
If I wasn't a celebrity   
All the girls on the Great Hall thought they were going to pass out. Harry and Draco weren't only severly hot they also had great voices. They had leather pants and wife beaters on(God I think I'm gonna pass out).  
  
Lately I've been doing a little thinking 'bout the things that satisfy you  
It's making me wonder 'bout the things that you see in me  
I hate the way you like to say your man's a, Harry sang in his silky smooth voice, celebrity, Draco finished in his totally delicious voice.  
Baby what's the deal I thought you wanted me for me Harry continued.  
  
You gotta say what you mean  
You gotta mean what you say  
'Cause you keep pushin' me away  
'Cause I ain't got no time to play, so I say, Draco sang as Harry danced a bit for the crowd. They sang the chorus two times as they went to slap hands with the crowd that had gathered to get a better look at the two boys.  
  
Celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity they whispered into the mics.  
  
I'm glad that you are having a good time livin' the life that I've laid out for me  
Constantly splurging, spending my money on everything you see, Draco conjured up a CD that turned into a crystal plate, he was spinning it around when it turned into a diamond and threw it into the crowd, while he was singing.  
It would be different if you had something  
Maybe like a,Draco sang, J-O-B Harry offered.  
You need to get your thing together, yeah, Draco finished as Harry started on the next verse.  
  
You gotta stop runnin' games sayin'  
It ain't about my fame  
'Cause you know if things weren't this way  
You'd be gone a long time ago, so I say, Harry and Draco launched into the chorus and sang it two times again. Neither Draco or Harry could hear themselves very well because of the catcalls.  
  
If you really loved me, you'd try and show that it ain't even about my name  
But you tried to use me, you lie to fool me  
So it can never be the same  
So now I'm leaving you behind  
I've found somebody who can love me for me  
And that's all I need, yeah  
  
Celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity they whispered again.They finished with singing the chorus about four times. When the music stopped Harry thought a bomb had exploded. Draco just couldn't believe it. Before they walked off the stage they actually did something friendly to one another and slapped the others hand. Not so the other would feel pain like they normally did if they touched each other but like friends this time. They both walked off the stage to their house table. Girls were still screaming and the ones that they didn't sit by were pouting.  
"Harry!!! That was so awesome!! Might I add you should wear leather more often!" Hermione screamed as he walked over to her and Ron.   
"At first I thought you'd gone insane for singing with Malfoy but now I Know you're insane!" Ron said jokingly.  
"Thanks," Harry told both of them. Over at the Slytherin table where hottie number two is there were no guys who complimented him only girls. One even went as far as to pinch his backside(hehehe). Harry and Draco were both thinking the same thing: Maybe being a celebrity isn't so bad afterall.  
"Now for act two" Dumbledore said.  
  
A/N I'll write the next chapter tomorrow. Thanks to all of you who review in advance. That is why I wrote this. The reason Harry and Draco are thinking the same thing is: Hermione's beaming at Harry and in this story Harry likes her, Draco is thinking that because he, being the (how should I put this?) badboy(that doesn't make sense but I don't care) that he is, enjoyed all the attention and not to mention a girl pinched his butt(but, whatever I don't care). Thank you for reading this insanity. Chapter 2 spoilers: It's called Act 2 and the second act is in it(hehehehe I'm evil) The box down there does have a purpose, Review please. 


	2. Act 2

Disclaimer:I own Nothing but the plot, the ideas for clothing, and the CD's (that I bought) that I got the songs from.  
  
A/N: Here it is Chapter 2!! Hope you enjoy it!! Oh and if anyone knows who FarmeRBob is give them a good kick cause they confused me for someone else. Thanks to all you Who reviewed!!! You ROCK!   
  
Chap.2 A Hogwarts Talent Show.  
  
"Act two will be performed by, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Cho Chang, and everyone's favorite Transfiguration teacher, Minerva McGonagal. They will be performing a song from the muggle movie Moulin Rouge," Dumbledore told them. The music started as soon as Dumbledore finished.  
  
Where's all my soul sisters!Let me hear y'all flow sisters! Professor McGonagal had walked onto the stage wearing nothing but a pair of nylons and a girdle. Nearly all the students either cringed at the sight or were to suprised to do anything. The other girls walked onto the stage wearing the same thing. None of the people in the hall cringed(hehe).Ron nearly ran up on the stage and smacked his sister but when he saw Hermione he decided that it wasn't a bad outfit at all(hehe again). Harry was gazing aptly at Hermione and Cho.  
  
He met Marmalade down in ol' Moulin Rouge  
Struttin' her stuff on the street  
She said "Hello, Hey Joe you wanna give it a go?"  
Ooohh Ooh oh Ginny sang she had a pretty good voice.  
(Chorus)  
Gitchy Gitchy ya ya dacta!   
Gitchy Gitchy ya ya yeah!  
Moca choca late(i, y??) yi ya  
Creole Lady Marmalade!! Ginny sang her last note.  
  
Voulez Vous Couchez Avec Moi ce Soir  
Voulez Vous Couchez Avec Moi ce Soir  
  
He sat in her boudvair while she freashened up  
Boy drank all that Magnolia wine  
Oh her black satin sheets  
Sway dark and free yeah, Cho was singing that. They went through the chorus part while Cho was singing this time though. McGonagal walked forward and started,  
  
We come through with the money in the garter bags  
We let'em know we got that cake straight out the gate!  
We independent women some mistake us for wh*res!  
I'm sayin' why spend mine when I can spend yours?  
Disagree? Well that's you and I'm sorry!   
I'm gonna keep playin' these cats out like Atari   
Wearin' high heeled shoes, gettin' love from the dudes four bad @$$ chics from the Moulin Rouge  
Hey sister soul sisters better get that dough sisters!  
We drink wine with the diamonds in the glass  
By the case the meaning of expensive taste  
Ya wanna Gitchy Gitchy ya yi  
Moca choca lati(e,y??) what?  
Creole Lady Marmalade! Everyone in the Great Hall had their mouths open and were staring at McGonagal. She could rap!!!!! No one would expect their strict Trans. teacher could rival Eminem(I HATE Eminem).  
  
Marmalaaaaade  
Marmalaaade  
Marmalaade   
Marmalaaade  
  
Touch of her skin feelin' silky smooth  
Colour of Cafe Ole(Ohlay)  
Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried  
More! More! More! Hermione sang out. All the guys in the Hall had to use every ounce of self control they had to keep them from running on stage and making a move on Hermione.  
  
Now he's back home doin' 95(95)  
Livin' the gray shadowed life  
Oh but when when he goes to sleep memories creep  
More! More! More!! They all sang that part. They went through thechorus one time when Prof. Sprout appeared on the stage.  
Hermione Hermione sang a note.  
Cho Cho sang a note.  
Minerva McGonagal sang a bit.  
Ginny You can guess what happened next. They continued the pattern of Sprout saying something then having people sing afterwards.  
  
Creole Lady Marmalaaaaaaade oh yes sir!!! They rang out. They inclined their heads for a bow since they couldn't bow in those outfits. The eruption of applause was only a bit quieter than the one for Harry and Draco. Only because girls at Hogwarts were louder than boys. The girls walked back stage unlike Draco and Harry did. When they came out two seconds later they had T-shirts on over their costumes.  
"Hi! What did ya think?" Hermione asked Harry and Ron. They were speechless.  
"What? Were we that bad?" Hermione tried again.  
"NO!!!!!! You!? Where?! How?! Where did you learn to sing like that?? You were great!!" Harry told her. Ron was still staring at her open mouthed. He was afraid that if he tried to say something what he was thinking would spill.  
"That was great!!!!!" Ron risked. It was fine though. Hermione was about to ask them something when Dumbledore said,  
"And act three"  
  
  
A/N: Cliffy!! I want you to decide who should go next: Ron, Dean, and Seamus or Snape. I've decide it's not only a Hogwarts talent show it is a HP character talent show cause last night I came up with some Ideas(HaHa I'm still laughing at them!!). Thanks again to all you who reviewed. The french in Lady Marmalade is spelled right in this story cause my Dad took french and he told me how to spell it. I'm not sure on the gitchy gitchy crap but The Voulez stuff is spelled right! If you have ideas please send them to me. The song I used last chapter was Celebrity by N*SYNC if y'all didn't know. All the words were the real ones. I only believe in Censoring not changing words. Okay I've rambled on long enough!! Go vote in your review!!! Be gone!! 


	3. Act 3(how original!)

Disclaimer: Okay everyone knows that nothing belongs to me. I ain't gettin' paid for this either cause it's NOT mine!! I used a line from a story that is also on ff.net called: A true story about seven people.   
  
A/N: I know I said that you peeps could decide who went next but I got an idea that is pretty funny. So hope you enjoy this limited edition performance of this song.  
  
A Hogwarts Talent Show: Chap. 3  
  
"Act three will be a song by the muggle artist Britney Spears. The person performing would like to keep their idenety a secret for now," Dumbledore told the people in the Great Hall. The music started,  
  
Yeah yeah yeah  
Yeah yeah yeah  
Yeah yeah yeah, the person on stage sang. They had on a red leather one piece suit on. They had a blonde, off center, wig with pigtails on.  
  
I think I did it again  
I made you believe we're more  
than just friends.  
Oh baby  
It might seem like a crush  
But it doesn't mean that I'm serious  
'Cause to lose all   
my senses  
That is just so typically me  
Oh baby, baby.  
  
The singer had a rather terrible voice(couldn't hold a match to Harry and Draco). The wig was quickly slipping of their head. Draco saw a bit of hair sticking out of the wig, wait, that hair was familiar. That hair belonged to none other than-  
"SNAPE!!! Harry, it's Snape!!! Snape is singing Britney Spears!! In a leather suit, wonder-bra and a wig!!!" Ron yelled. Harry had never seen Ron laugh so hard. Hermione stared, their greasy haired, hooked nosed, and biased potions teacher was singing Britney Spears. Harry had the same reaction as Ron.  
  
(Chorus)  
Oops!...I did it again  
I played with your heart,  
got lost in the game  
Oh baby, baby  
Oops!...You think   
I'm in love  
That I'm sent from above  
I'm not that innocent  
  
Draco looked around to see who else had realized it was Snape. He saw Harry and Ron laughing their heads off, Hermione and Ginny were staring at Snape with equal amounts of disbelief, and all the Professors (Snape hadn't told them either) shaking with silent laughter. Draco himself was to shocked to do anything(and he thought he was crazy to sing with Harry).  
  
You see my problem is this   
I'm dreaming away  
Wishing that heroes, they  
Truly exist  
I cry, watching the days  
Don't you see I'm a fool in so   
many ways  
But to lose all my senses   
That is just so typically me  
Baby, oh  
  
"Erm, is that girl, uh, bulging, where she shouldn't be?" Fred whispered to George as Snape sang the chorus.  
"Dude, that can't be a girl!" George said as the wig Snape had on fell to the floor,"HOLY!!!! It's SNAPE!!!" They both burst out laughing.  
  
Yeah yeah yeah  
Yeah yeah yeah  
Yeah yeah yeah  
Yeah yeah yeah  
(Music break)  
  
Oops!... I did it again to  
your heart  
Got lost in this game  
oh Baby  
Oops!..you think that I'm sent   
from above  
I'm not that innocent  
  
Snape launched into the chorus. The fourth and final time he sang it the students finished it.  
  
I'm not that-  
  
"TALENTED" all the students yelled. Some of the Professors joined in too. Snape waited for applause but none came.  
  
"Fine!!" He shouted,"A Thousand points from every house other than Slytherin!!" He screamed as he ran around the stage maniacly(we all knew he'd go over the edge one day). Everyone was still staring at Snape.  
  
"Alrighty then. The next act will be" Dumbledore said to break the silence.  
  
A/N: So did ya like it?The next act will be posted tommorow or maybe later today. I can hardly type anymore cause my bach hurts from slaving away at the keyboard*mutters "not" under breath". Please be off and review. Next chapter spoilers: Either containing a hottie's mother, father, or father's master*Who could that be? asks self sarcastically* Thanks!! Bye!   
  
REVIEW YOU FOOLS!!! I SHALL SET MY SET OF ORNATE MARDI GRAS MASKS ON YOU IF YOU DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Act 4

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Cept for the plot, Jade Maridin, and a pair of pleather pants.   
  
A/N: Hey sorry I haven't posted in a loooooooooong time. On with the fic!   
  
A Hogwarts Talent Show: Chap. 4   
  
"Act four will be a song from the muggle movie Moulin Rouge. Again. This performance will be by Narcissa Malfoy?" Dumbledore said with a quizzical look on his face."How did she get here?" he asked Prof. McGonagal. McGonagal shrugged. "Oh well," He shook his head. The music began.   
  
The french are glad to die-for love, Narcissa had come onto the stage wearing something that looked like it belonged to Barbie. It was cool though. A long white dress with diamonds all over it, a fur scarf, and four inch heels which were covered in diamonds too.   
  
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental   
But diamonds are a girls best friend   
A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental   
On your humble flat or help you feed your uuhh pussy cat   
  
Men grow cold as girls grow old   
And we all lose our charms in the end.   
But square cut or pear shape these rocks don't lose their shape   
Diamonds are a girls best friend, Narcissa had a nice voice. Her scarf had fallen off, exposing the straps of her dress- there were none. Draco was appaled with his mother but he was even more appaled with Crabbe and Goyle who were staring at his mom with that weird look on their face's.   
"That's my mum you fools!" Draco said as he smacked them across the face. If Draco was going to smack every guy who was staring at his mom like that then his hand was going to be sore. He contented himself with smacking every Slytherin guy who looked like that. There was a bit of a music break in which Narcissa danced a bit(it was mostly shimmiing).   
  
Cause we are living in a Material World   
And I am a Material Girl   
  
There was another short music break in which the gap was filled by the sound of tap shoes. Narcissa had started to tap dance. She wasn't that bad(she was no Rockette, mind you).   
  
There may come a time when a lass needs a laywer   
But diamonds are a girls best friend   
There may come a time when a hard core employer thinks you're awful nice   
But get that ice or else no dice   
He's your guy when stocks are high   
But beware when they start to descend   
  
Into the music a different beat was added, a more hip/cool/bumpin' beat. Narcissa had done some sort of twist downward at this last line.   
  
Diamonds are a girls best   
Diamonds are a girls best   
Diamonds are a girls best   
  
At this there was what seemed to be a music break but to the 6th years and up it wasn't. A projection had come to there mind, there were some rather *undescribable* sounds and a picture of a bedroom door. When the sounds ended out of that door came out a Lucius Malfoy as no one had ever seen him; he looked unraveled and not at all dignified. After him followed Narcissa looking prim and neat as she smoothed her skirt.   
What the flip was that about? Harry thought to himself. If Draco had been embarresed before it was nothing to what he was feeling now. Utter and complete humiliation just about summed it up.   
"That was quite disturbing," Ron said as he shook his hesd.   
"What was?" Ginny asked, she not being in 6th year hadn't seen the mental movie thing.   
"Nothin', Gin," Ron replied. Ginny started to pout.   
  
Cause that's when thouse louses go back to their spouses   
Diamonds are a girls best........   
Friend, Narcissa held every word in the last line, except for are, for a extended amount of time. The song was finally over and Narcissa took a bow. As she did Draco sat in stupor to his mother's act of random insaness.   
"It's allright. Your mother has a lot of guts, to show up at her 16-year-old son's school and sing like that. I'm Jade Maridin by the way, you probably don't know me," a girl had come from behind Draco and started to talk to him. She was a rather pretty girl; short, pixie cut, black hair, extremely tall for her age at 5'11, and peculiar green eyes with brown flecks in them. She stuck her hand out to him to shake. He took it.   
"Draco Malfoy, but you probably knew that," he said assuming she knew(duh, she knew Narcissa was his mother).   
"Okay, now that act 4 has finished, on with act 5. It will be-" Albus Dumbledore started, but he was interupted by the door to the Great Hall being thrown open by a figure in a jet black cloak.   
  
A/N: HAHA!! Cliffy!! Don't you just love them. I've decided to turn this into an actual fic, with a plot*gasp*! What it's going to be, I don't know yet. I mention Jade Maridin in my review but who reads reviews(unless they're the author)? I am severly sorry to keep you waiting, I started this ch. before I went to camp in July which lasted a week which was followed by vacation. When I got back from vacation ff.net was jacked up so I found a different fanfic place then checked ff.net (three months later) so now I'm back. I am doing a thanks section now.   
  
Thank you to all you wonderful reviewers, listed here: Sailor V Light, summer thyme. Artemis Wind (love the name, deary), Mist, Resisting Arrest, Harmony McKellin, Siri Kat, Patricia, Beth Warloi, Ankhesenpaaten, Alex, Katie(who now that I remember is me actually), Proffesor Sinistra, Gracie Miller, Mara, darkangelgirl, . , Fuuzaki, britt, Sailor Kawaii, mil, Bete Noire(sorry I can't do the carrot sign thing over the e.), Becky,Yessima, Star shine Insane, me, Avadiz (did I copy that right?), Mirror of Erised~, Dementia,AliEnChiCk, tempest, peggy, vernal equinox, Silly Rabbit Trix R 4 Kidz, LOLO, Sarah, Comet, Dru, Haruko Blue, Stunned, Evita Potter, Katherine, Angel of Ice, Molly Hail, Mali, Alisha, QT pie 69, Ni, Mulan, Perminator( Sorry nver heard of the band let alone the song, I'm not really into hard rock, cept for Pink Floyd, Lifehouse and Black Sabbath), Nash L.T.M. Potter. Terra Incognita aka Alexis Malfoy, *~*Dracoz Chick~*~,Lily*Potter, Shana Potter, Miss Rebel, sweetanglegirl, and clara 2000.   
  
I would like to know who the hell FarmeRBob is so if he would like to e-mail me with his cowardly self he can!   
  
See y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. Act 5

Disclaimer: This verse same as the first-I don't own anything accept for Jade Maridin and a copy of all the songs I have used and will be using.  
  
A/N: Thank you for reading this story. Longer note at bottom.  
  
  
A Hogwarts Talent Show  
  
A blow horn sounded then music started.  
  
"Ooh Hey, Yeah," the cloaked person sang as the door slammed shut,   
"Hush just stop,   
there's nothing you can   
do or say, Baby"  
  
Hermione stared at the cloaked figure who had now thrown the cloak off to reveal an exetremly ugly blonde girl with a black mid drift shirt and black hip huggers on. It had to be a guy because of the lack of hips.  
  
"What is with the Britney Spears' impersonaters today?" she asked no one particular as Harry clutched his head and gasped in pain.  
  
"Oh great! You-Know-Who is the one singing!! That's worse than Snape!!" Ron cried exasperatedly. It was indeed Voldemort singing Stronger, you could tell because of the red eyes and slit nostrils.   
  
"Voldie?!!??" Narcissa cried out from the stairs off stage. The music paused for a second as Voldemort said  
  
"Cissa?? Where is Lucius?? I didn't expect to see you here!!" He smirked (which is probably the closest thing to a smile Lord V. can manage). Narcissa shrugged.  
  
"I've had enough,  
I'm not your property,   
as from today, Baby" he went back to singing. He continued to walk toward the stage. "You might think that I won't make it on my own but now I'm......."   
  
People all around the hall were falling off their chairs laughing. Three or four people were afraid since it was Voldemort but he had on a blonde wig and hip huggers so it's not that frightening. Draco woul have loved to have had a camera so he could show his father a picture of his 'all powerful' master in a push-up bra and a mid drift.  
  
Chorus:  
"Stronger than yesterday  
Now it's nothing  
but my way  
My loneliness ain't killing  
me no more  
I'm stronger"  
  
"Dear Lord help me," Dumbledore gasped as he banged his fist onto the ground after another fit of laughter. The only person not laughing up lung was Harry because of the pain his scar was causing him. Many people were afraid of giving themeselves a heart attack they were laughing so hard.  
  
"Than I ever thought that I  
could be, Baby  
I used to go with the flow"  
  
"No he didn't. He always did stupid stuff by himself," Dumbledore pointed out when he could breathe.  
  
"Didn't really care 'bout me  
You might think that I can't  
take it but you're wrong  
'cause now I'm......"  
  
And then he launched into the chorus two times. He surveyed the scene around him. He was suprised to see everyone rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter. He had never made anyone laugh with humor, only with malice(Lucius laughs with me a lot, he thought) If he was in a bad mood he might have realized now was the perfect time to murder Harry but he was feeling generous.  
  
"Come on, now  
Oh yeah  
  
Here I go, on my own  
I don't need nobody,  
better off alone  
Here I go, on my own now  
I don't need nobody  
not anybody  
Here I go (here I go repeat twice getting quieter) alright (reapeat twice getting quieter)here I go (repeat twice getting louder)"   
  
Voldemort launched into the chorus again imediately. He felt the adranaline rush of the coming applaus as he rushed through the rest of the song so fast he slurred a few words. When he sang the last note he waited with baited breath. He only heard laughter, no applaus. He couldn't believe it! No applaus for him, Lord Voldemort?!! It was an outrage. He stared at the crowd in the Great Hall for a moment expecting them to start clapping soon. They never did.   
  
The only person who saw him leave was the boy he had tried to kill at least 5 times, Harry Potter. Harry saw a tear glisten on his cheek as he ran from the hall. That was when Harry started to laugh.  
  
Once everyone had finished laughing (it was quite some time) Dumbledore sat at the Staff Table again and spoke.  
  
"That was er, interesting. As I was saying before Voldemort arrived the next act will be-"  
  
  
A/N:I hope you liked this chapter. Sorry if you didn't. I will write more the next time I'm sick so bye!! I must go listen to Micheal Jackson now. "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" *dances away and sings* 


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